Umpires speak a language that sounds like English but operates on completely different rules. Here is your official translation guide for everything the blue says — and everything they actually mean.
"That's a strike"
What they mean: That pitch was somewhere in the general vicinity of the plate and I have decided it is a strike. My zone is my zone. It will not be your zone. It was not the last batter's zone either, but that is not your concern. Adjust or strike out. Those are your options.
"Let's go, we're on a clock"
What they mean: I have four more games today. The temperature is 96 degrees. I have been standing in direct sunlight since 8 AM. Your catcher is talking to your pitcher about what they had for breakfast. I need everyone to throw the ball, hit the ball, and stop having meetings on the mound like this is a corporate merger.
"Coach, I need you in the dugout"
What they mean: You have crossed the line. You have been commenting on every pitch for three innings. I have been patient. I am no longer patient. The next comment earns you a seat in the parking lot. I am volunteering my Saturday for $60 and a bottle of water that is now warm. Test me.
"I had it right here" (taps chest)
What they mean: I saw what I saw. You saw what you saw from 90 feet away through a chain-link fence while eating nachos. I was three feet from the play. We are not going to have a debate about this. I have already moved on. You should too.
"That's enough"
What they mean: This is your final warning disguised as a casual statement. I said it calmly so that you think you have room to push back. You do not. The next word out of your mouth determines whether you watch the rest of this game from your car. Choose wisely.
"Play ball"
What they mean (Game 1): Let's have a great day. I love this sport. These kids are going to have fun and I get to be part of it.
What they mean (Game 4): I cannot feel my knees. My sunscreen wore off two hours ago. Someone's dad called me blind in the second inning and he wasn't wrong because I have sweat in my eyes. Let's get this over with.
"Good game" (shakes hands)
What they mean: I am genuinely glad this is over. Some of you made it very difficult to enjoy. Your kids were great. Your kids are always great. It is never the kids. I will be back next weekend because despite everything, I actually love doing this. But I will remember who yelled at me. I always remember.
The ump is a volunteer. The ump is doing their best. The ump has a harder job than you think. Buy the ump a water between games. It costs $3 at the snack bar. It's the best investment you'll make all weekend.
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